That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize