Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
