69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
