Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
