is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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