when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
