I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
