After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
you made out with another girl for some wings
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
