I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
