Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
