I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
