If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
