Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
