There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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