Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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