I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
