1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
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I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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