I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
