I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
