So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
