i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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