he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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