she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I need to calm my uterus...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
