He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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