3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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