take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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