Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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