hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Your penis caused this!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
