why didn't you poke me back
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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