What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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