you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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