NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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