i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
