you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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