clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
