that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
