Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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