you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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