i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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