There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dicks are not precious.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
