I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
