I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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