I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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