last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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