I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
