remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
