He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
