You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
