he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
