I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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