I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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