man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
