my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
