I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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