so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
