The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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