I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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