By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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