Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
