i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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