dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
