you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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