He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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