In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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