I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You made out with two different species that night
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
