The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
