Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
As shirtless as possible
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
