The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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