I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
