Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
