Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
