When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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