i always forget guys have bellybuttons
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
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Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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