how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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