Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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