They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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