Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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