When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
