Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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