At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
