All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My Higher Power is John Stamos
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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