My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
